Uncomfortably Numb

S and I had the first real fight of our relationship last night. I'm talking screaming, yelling, crying. The kind  where you worry what the neighbors will think and the kind that reminds you to be thankful that you don't have any kids yet to hear. 

S and I have the perfect relationship. Almost. We're both as rational and responsible as you can get and we both truly love each other. Of this I have no doubt. We have both been hurt enough in the past and are both the children of ugly divorces. This relationship will be over long before either one of us cheats. 

Part of me thinks that I am just being jealous and ridiculous. And maybe that's true. But I do know that I cannot live this way, in this relationship, for the rest of my life. 

I am hopeful that I can eventually get over the things that I discovered last night. I don't know that I will  and as of right now, I'm feeling uncomfortably numb about the whole situation. Is this the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end?

Very scary thoughts to be having about a relationship that I have given the last 5+ years of my life and possibly the better part of my career to.